Deeside Ramblers VIs 2 - Bowdon IXs 1
And thus did begin the next chapter in the Bees' first league season, with a mouth-watering trip to the quite country retreat of Deeside-upon-Farmyard. The day had promised much, clear skies and fine weather had treated those who awoke before mid-afternoon. However for the Bees and their supreme commander Lieutenant Oliffer von Quiff the weather turned nasty and the heavens opened.
Von Quiff organised his merry men into their landing crafts and they were issued with only a compass as he gave the orders to arrive at the battle ground ready for the evening start. As the sun settled behind the threatening storm clouds the two battalions set up for battle. Von Quiff had assembled his team of misfits - a side often likened to the crew of the Black Pearl, at the brow of the hill, Psycho showed his hand, a mixture of youth and experience much the same as the Bowdon side - this promised to be a fine battle.
Hence did begin the match with a shrill blast on the whistle from the immaculately turned out umpire. The game panned out as a cat-and-mouse style encounter with early chances at both ends. The will drilled penalty corners of the home challengers were well repelled by Lazy Barman in his ever-nonchalant style. At the top of the hill Yokker and Shotdead created some good openings though their finishing was about as incisive as a blunt saw cutting through a 100ft redwood. The opening strike was one of a high class, the Nodwob defence caught catching flies by a quick attack and Lazy was caught scratching his head, pondering how the visiting team were behind in the fight.
Half time came and went in under 20 seconds, both officials deciding that even a pint of Harp lager was more mouth-watering than that which the second half did promise. The crowd had been driven away by the cold and the 24 players and 2 officials were left to battle it out in almost pure darkness.
With both umpires wanting to see a fair game and an exciting climax, it was concluded that Bowdon should be awarded a penalty stroke as their open play chances had not proved successful. Shotdead strode up to the mark and fired a mediocre attempt straight at the keeper! Oh the misfortune! From the depths of the stand a watching beetle was heard muttering something about even his grandmother could have done better.
Minutes later, following a stunning advantage allowed by the umpire, there was another good chance for Bowdon and it was gobbled up quicker than Sticky eating a plate of iced buns.
One goal each and game on. In the last exchanges the battle of power went from side-to-side, however the re-introduction of Von Quiff aided his tiring opposition and they stole a winning goal in slightly controversial circumstances. As the final whistle went (20 minutes early but thankfully no-one noticed) the visiting gaggle were left to discuss what might have been. In the bar after the game the talk was all about the faltless (sic) umpiring display and even Marge (who according to himself was actually umpiring the game) was left in utter admiration of the fairness and equality shown by both of the whistlers.
From a totally unbiased point of view, I feel that nearing the end of this report (yes wake up its nearly done) and the season, I should reflect on the first season in league competition for the formidable Bowdon Men's 9th XI. A decent season shows a solid mid-table performance with one game against our feeder club to come. The formbook makes simple reading and can be summarised in a very simple algebraic formula:
Newton 's First Law of Bees Hockey
11P - O = WIN
P = Standard Bees Hockey Player (examples R. Cooper or N. West)
O = Olly (evidently he's your captain so you should know him?) AKA Frodo Hawkins, Ollius Offroadum Marcos Roundus Maximus Quiffus Erectus, Short One, President Hawkins of Churchillian, Gallant Leader, Admiral Hawkins
Wake up, I've finished!