Bowdon Killer Bees 1 - Timperley IV 5

After a string of recent victories Fixture Sec Nick 'I've had a serious haircut to try and lose my Bamber Gascoigne image' West thought that a sterner test was required. One step forward local derby rivals Timperley (Grrrrrrrr)....4thX1 - only ! The die was cast for a titanic David versus Goliath battle - with the Bees masquerading as the little guy !

But wait - we had our inspirational leader back...General Ollius Marcos Coiferus Erectus - huzzah ! And praise be to our lucky star Elvis that we
didn't have to read a crap joke this week cos its Christmas. The lottery like odds were reduced still further by the deployment of the 'The Wet Pitch
Roller' - General Ollius Marcos Very Roundus Coiferus Erectus (is the name long enough ?). A successfully pre match roll around meant that the pitch was flattened out - after all the Killer hockey is reliant upon a fast flat astro surface.

And so the game....in fading light (4 o'clock !).....in the flippin' freezing cold....on our still new Dogs Knackers Wet Pitch....

It was Timperley push back and they kindly gave us, or more precisely Jonny 'Chopper Hospital Pass' Grant the ball. Jonny duly duffed his alledged pass (which was across the D no less) straight to the oppo centre forward. Can't teach that ! A great sliding save by Reidy saved the day. However, this set the pattern for the 10 minutes with the Bees hacking and chopping away at the oncoming Mongol hordes.

Having dented the initial onrush the Bees settled down into their usual deft passing moves...ie passing the ball the Robbie 'I can dribble into a Black
Hole and whilst in there I lose the ball ' Smith (the rest is self explanatory). In fact this cunning plan led to Timperley taking the lead -
ball lost in midfield - a swift counter attack. Reidy saved the resulting shot at the expense of a shorty - except that Timperley scored from it.

Despite this set back the Bees decided it would be more productive to get the ball to centre forward Chris 'I can hog the ball as well you know' Swithenbank. Indeed a cross from the right wing by Swithers produced a fantastic finish from Jo Timothy - all square at 1-1. Timperley were well
pissed off having shaded the first half.

Half time beckoned...as did the legendary team talk by General Ollius Marcos Very Roundus Coiferus Erectus ! Playing brilliantly but more effort is
required was the gist...as was the obligatory 'we can win this'.

The second half started disasterously for the Bees as it started raining....which meant that General Ollius Marcos Very Roundus Coiferus Erctus was in danger of suffering serious structural damage to the quiff. In the meantime he consoled himself to acting as the Immovable Bollard and launching the ball upfield.

It soon became apparent that the Bee's goal had really stung Timperley as their midfield started to push forward. Not even Ben Glencross could stop
every attack and the shots started raining down on Reidy. Unfortunately, the ball sometimes (er four times in fact) rebounded to a Timperley player after Reidy had saved the first shot...which led to four Timperley goals.

At the other end the Bees were having some success in getting the ball in and around the Timperley goal. It's a pity none of it was reflected in the
scoreline of 1-5.

A scoreline of 1-5 was harsh on the Bees who raised their game to the level of a much much better side and at times played really excellent hockey. It
was a most enjoyable game to play in...even if I was completely knackered by the end.

Finally, many thanks should go to Alex 'Do I look good or what is this Paddington Bear coat ?' Fishwick for umpiring in the blinking cold.

Yokker

(Whahaaay! A little bit of everything there from the boy Swarbrick! The whole team damned by feint praise & some bitchy comments about the other mid/forward players thrown in for good measure! Heh! Heh! Finally a shocker finish to the report with a nice comment about the umpire?!? It's just not cricket! Er... Anyway, I agree with Yokker, however reluctantly - it was a good match, especially the first half with the Bees raising their game & playing some quality hockey. Timperley were not happy at half time, no doubt! Bizarely, Johnny Slap had saved up all his hockey pills from the games he's missed this season & downed them all in one go, with a shot of whisky of course, to play a stormer of a game, saving 2 rocket goals off the line to help keep the scoreline vaguely sensible! A good effort from everyone, with the possibly exception of the "Not-roving much 'cos I'm fucked" centre back. - Ed)